Relative Age

On paper I’m 26, but in reality I’m not so convinced.  I feel like it’s more accurately represented as the average of 16 and 36, ten years in either direction, so at any time I’m basically hovering between adolescence and adulthood.  At any time I’m either a clueless teen or a future version of myself of which I can’t possible conceive.

This thought first occurred to me my freshman year of college.  I was walking around Harvard Square in Cambridge, MA on a Saturday afternoon.  Having explored the neighborhood and done my fair share of consumption, i.e. had a gourmet sandwich and bought a couple of shirts from Urban Outfitters, I felt that particular feeling of hovering.

90’s kids were too moody.

It would be nice to have a watch with a maturity meter, telling me how old I was acting that day.  For instance if I were having a 19-year old day, and I needed to watch out for those collegiate pressures.  Or if I were having a 32-year old day, and I really needed to plan how I was going to get to graduate school or find that amazing job.  If there were some device that could quantify our emotions and energy, it could definitely make some days easier.  Unfortunately, it’s completely contrary, because then you might constantly be trying to control your actions, the outcomes, and do the impossible task of controlling your emotions.  Unlike a mood ring, it would need to work after 100 uses, and not just be blue all the time and tell you you’re happy when you know you’re not.

Perhaps this maturity meter device would exist in a dystopia. But if next time I walk into a Sharper Image store, and I see it on display, you’ll bet your ass I’ll try it out, but definitely wait until it goes on sale to buy it.

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